Fireworks, Vacation & Party Planning

I have been a BAD girl for not posting.

I had a reason though. Sort of.  I've been out of town being so BAD, that I've FELT SO GOOD.  Actually, I haven't been that bad. I've simply been off for 2.5 weeks having a damn blast on vacation.  Janice, Mary and I went wine tasting in SLO and hung out in Shell Beach. I re-jigged my apartment so I've got a dining room again (still more to do). I spent quality time with my Mom, brother & nieces. That was great. And.....hold your breath....I had dinner with my Dad for this first time in 6 mos. The vacation wrapped up with two 4th of July parties with fireworks (and....I met a cute German architect at Mark Storhaug's party).  Watch this space.

Anyways....back to reality......Monday, 7/9, I was back at work. I am NOT IN THE MOOD.  I was actually nauseous.  So, after work today, I took Libby for a walk at Palisades Park. That made me (both of us) happy.  Stunning weather.  Now the next step?  Convince Janice that she REALLY NEEDS TO HAVE THAT PARTY SOON!  :-)  AUGUST would be great.  I know it will be so much fun. I love her neighbors, Chris & Ron too.  I'm soooooo immensely proud of her. She owns a townhouse! Amazing.  Anyways.... gotta have a great eclectic guest list (family/friends/newbies/neighbors), great but casual food, etc. Good planning needs to be in play so Janice can be the social butterfly that she is.

Gotta go to bed.

XO

I haven't done any 'action' today, although I did listen to a recording from Pat Allen on relationships.  Part of the discussion was about how it's not a man's job to make a woman happy, it's a woman's job to make herself happy and then a man will naturally want to make her even happier!

I LOVE that....especially since that hits home for me. Working on being happy is a challenge I've been facing lately and it takes work, but I'm the only one who can do that work.  I'm happy working in my house, looking at designs, starting to plan the garden and checking out patio furniture, adding to my design idea book, thinking of having a house-warming, planning to make biscotti again, celebrating the end of the year with my students, dressing up for the party on Saturday, going to make an appt. to get my hair straightened....and getting a good night's sleep before the gym in the morning.  Bueno noches!

Gigi

I have missed some posts....that's my usual pattern. I'm challenged when it comes to consistency. That's why I don't reach my goals - Consistency is Key!!!   So, I'm back to blogging and sticking with it. Just like I'm sticking with making progress again...such as: getting waxed (a good thing), manicure, haircut, another new purse. All these things make me feel better and feel sexier. I'm looking forward to an upcoming party, I'm starting to plan a housewarming, and I'm deciding what type of group I'm going to join as soon as school ends.  All actions that get me moving in the right direction again. And, oh yeah, making a counseling appt.  Much needed!!!

Purging

I spent the last 3 days purging, organizing and rearranging my apartment with Mary. I wouldn't have been able to do it without her. She pushed me - quietly, kindly, without judgement - for 3 days.  I actually saw myself in the people that sadly appear on the A&E show, Hoarders. You know the scene. Where they argue with the Professional Organizer about holding on to a coffee mug, or old hat? It means something to them. It represented a time that was important or happy to them.  Obviously, I don't have that level of a problem (Thank God!!!), but I do hold on to old keepsakes.  Years worth of Diaries. Drawings and paintings that I did when I was child. Love notes from boys in Jr. High School, Yearbooks and pictures & notes from High school, Cards from girlfriends that I met when I was 13 and am still best friends with today (Janice!).  I'm not going to throw all of it away.  However, I have had a shift.  I appreciate them, but I don't feel the need to keep all of it now.  I need to get a scanner so I can save some of it electronically, then PURGE.  I have lots of boxes to go through today....and tomorrow....and the next day.  I've easily got 4 more days of work here. Ick. but.....good Ick.

I am making room for SIMPLE SPACE.
I need to make room for the UNKNOWN.
I want to make room for LOVE.

I painted my nails red.  It's interesting how this color can instantly make me think of sex and feel sexy.  For now it sometimes takes external factors to bring romance to mind....but, until I feel it internally at least there are things like red nail polish, high shoes, and making a hair appt.  Step-by-step I am getting there and doing whatever it takes!

Wedding Dress $50.00. Worn Once By Mistake

2012 marks the 12th year that I've lived on my own.  In 2000, I finally got the guts to separate from my husband, Dennis. This was the beginning of the end of an 11 year relationship (8 years married).   Of course, it wasn't truly the beginning of the end.  The end had begun many years before.  However, there was a few chain of events that finally made me realize, I did not belong in this relationship anymore. I had fallen in love with someone else.  I did something I had vowed I would never do.  I broke the agreement we made.  I cheated on my husband.  It was a secret.  I  had to leave.  Only a few very close girlfriends knew the truth.

My first night alone in my new apartment was bizarre.  I was numb.  I was curled up in a ball, laying on the living room floor. I was crying so hard, for so long, that I was making noises I did not recognize.  I was scared.  I was alone.  Yet, I was exhilarated.  I was FREE.  I could DO ANYTHING I WANTED. I answered to NO ONE.  THIS WAS EXCITING.  I had to figure this all out.  I had to figure my heart out.  WHO DID I BELONG WITH?  MAYBE I DIDN'T BELONG WITH ANYONE?  I made it through that night, and the next and the next. I don't regret one minute of my marriage.  I don't regret one minute of my single life. 

Memorial Day + now Vacation is OVER

Yesterday was Memorial Day. I fell asleep before posting!  I've been relaxing in beautiful Shell Beach hanging with Mary.  The sun has been warm and steady.  The wind, waves and evening sunsets have been beautiful. Tomorrow it's time to go back to work. :-(  At least, I did work on some of my creative ideas, made lists of "to-do's" and started my personal development plan.